Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I hate planes...and booking flights =(

So this is a very random venting about me managing to screw up my flight to Florida. Apparently when I was rushing to do this online at 7:00 this morning, I accidently put the tickets in my mom's name instead of mine. These are almost $500 tickets. I didn't realize it until I looked at the flight details at 10:00 tonight. I called up Travelocity, the people I booked the flight through, and they said most likely they can refund everything except for a $5 service fee because I booked the flight today. They weren't sure if they could cancel it with the airline because they were paper tickets instead of e-tickets. So I talked to my mom and thankfully she let me make another reservation with Orbitz, which needless to say has e-tickets. So hopefully they can refund the price to my mom's credit card, and hopefully nothing screws up with these tickets or else that's going to put a major damper on my travel plans. To add to all of this, I've never been on a plane, so needless to say I'm kind of worried about it. One of my friends said that airport security is so tight now that I shouldn't really have to worry about anything. With all that's happened though there's still some concern in the back of my mind. Oh well, hopefully everything works out! I guess I'll just have to hope for the best!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

On My Sociology Reading...

One of my sociology readings for Sociology 200 was about the increasing demand for the harvested organs from executed prisoners in eastern countries. I found the article to be a very distrubing insight to this economic market. The country where organ harvesting seems to be the most popular is China. Although this practice is technically not legal, and thus very few are willing to speak openly about it, tens of thousands of executions for things such as petit larceny are conducted each year. The primary purpose of these executions is not to keep peace on the streets of China, but to keep up with the supply and demand for these organs, especially kidneys. In some cases, organs are harvested from the prisoners before they are executed. In one case, a prisoner had his kidney extracted under a local anesthetic; the prisoner was executed the next morning by a bullet to the head. The reason this practice is becoming such a gold mine is because many wealthy foreigners will pay sums of up to $30,000 for an organ, even though the mortality rate from such operations in these countries is rather high.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Reflection of the narrative account I'm working on...

I'm working on the controversy of homosexuality and the Catholic Church. Being as I do not know anyone who would be able to give me a personal account on this issue, I have taken to exploring accounts which have already been published. The one that struck me the most was the personal account of Robbie Kirkland. To make a long story short, being as I will be writing on this in greater deatail anyway, this boy committed suicide because of the pressures of being gay. While his issues and in a sense self-loathing were more directed at the fact that he was gay more than it was at the church itself, it is very evident that his faith played a part in his being uncomfortable with himself. His mother was a devout Catholic and he attended an all boys Catholic high school. Because the Catholic doctrine decrees homosexuality as a grave moral offense, he had very few people in which he could confide in within the school system. On top of this, the support group which his counselor recommended was only a few blocks away from his school. The short distance between the support center and his school caused him to avoid going to meetings out of fear that the boys from his school might see him. This, to me, seems like a tragedy in and of itself. It points out how, not even necessarily just Catholics, but people in general cause others a great deal of pain by being shallow and uncaring. It's just sad that a child took his life because he felt like he was that much of an outsider. What has the world come to when somebody so young and so full of promise choses death over life simply because they know their community does not accept them?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Poem I've been working on since High School

The seconds pass like so many
Wilted rose petals returning to the earth
Every one so fine and precious
Yet meaningless at the same time
Blown by the wind
Down a lonely country road
Soon to be forotten
Burried by Winter's fist fall
A white blanket pulled over faded eyes
That once shone like the belt
Around the waist of the mighty Hunter
Who looks out from the sky
Until the clouds move in
Gray and angry, rolling
Like the crashing tides of the sea
Coming to take away the shells
Which lay in their sandy beds
Greeted by Dawn's light
Before they find themselves
Reflected in silver mirrors
Held in the eyes of an innocent babe
Soothed by a mother's voice
Sleeping sound against her bosom
Wandering by the Lady's light
Past the land of mirrors
Images so clear
Back to the cradle whre Dawn
Distorts the shells as the
Long fingers of the sea
Hiss and lick at the sky
Threatening to meet the Hunter
Whose belt still reveals
The sorrowful life that lies in the eyes
Of the snow that is the first to fall
Not yet melted, nor forgotten
By the people who reside on the same country road
Where the autumn wind
Rustles the leaves, all in real time
Each moment no less precious
Than each rose bud upon the earth
That remain for a while, but like many
Other things in this world
Can be gone in a moment's notice...

Don't know if this counts...but..

ve vFar Away
Lyrics - All The Right Reasons :.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

I don't know if this really counts for a "blog"...but I would have to say this song is the best I've heard in a really long time. I think that's also because it captures everything I'm feeling right now. I think anyone that's ever lost somebody could relate to this. I'm in that situation right now. I still have really strong feelings for my ex, and he says he still loves me, but the problem is he's living in Florida now. So basically when I heard this song it really hit home for me.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Another Philosophical Perspective

In Life on the Screen, Turkle describes the internet relationship between Stewart and “Winterlight”. In reality, Stewart is described as being a very closed person. He is not very social and does not have many friends outside of his life on the internet. To Stewart, his relationship with “Winterlight” is real. When they get “married“, even though it is strictly online, and therefore not legally binding, Stewart considers it to be real. He shows this when he is asked if he is married and immediately says “yes”. The emotions he feels are just as real as the emotions he would feel towards this girl if she were physically in the room with him. Just because their relationship is online, does not necessarily mean it can not be real.
To people in Stewart’s position, this is his life. His personal identity might not be completely formed by his relationships online, but they certainly play a large factor in how he views himself. Even though his personality may “change” when he is online, it does not necessarily mean he is a different person. As previously stated, some people feel that they can open up more online than they can in when they are face to face with somebody. In actuality, the “virtual world” of the internet is no more or less real than the world one wakes up to every morning. Rather, it is just another part of the world in which one lives.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Love's Most Beautiful Tragedy

I can relive today by way of tomorrow
But there is still sorrow
For I will never again find yesterday...
To most would come as no surprise
Yet for me, it is no more than a representation
Of months passed by
I sit in this sullen solitude
With nothing put painted memories
When I will hear the sound of my name
Across your lips in that same sweet way
That so reminded me of a silk cloth sliding across a crystal table
So beautiful there is no label
For the paradox of love's most beautiful tragedy
Which is I can explain with just three words
You and me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I was reading over an old paper and got a new perspective...

The sun produces light, and light is knowledge. Without light, there is no knowledge. Because light is the ultimate source of knowledge, Socrates was correct in his belief that the philosophers should return to the cave. This is an important issue to resolve because of the social, scientific, and political issues that revolve around it. Without knowledge, there would be no way to differentiate social classes. Likewise, there would be no development in the sciences; for example, there would no advancements in the field of medicine. Also, without knowledge, there would not be competent rulers to watch over the city.
If this argument were to be proven false, then it would show that those who are enlightened should not attempt to share their knowledge with those who could benefit from it. Even though not all of the prisoners who are bound in the cave will flourish into future philosophers, unless the old philosophers return, those who do have that potential will not flourish either. going This argument will compare the philosophers and their return to the cave to students who become teachers and thus return back to their origins in the classroom.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Style 3

I gathered the third lesson of Style was speaking of word order and sentence structure in relation to the ability of the reader to clearly comprehend what is being said in a sentence. In other words, the third lesson of Style focuses on word choice and sentence structure to improve clarity. (Case in point.) How a sentence is phrased and the diction the writer chooses to use can determine how easily the reader is able to comprehend the literature. If a passage is cluttered with words and phrases which could be simplified, it is likely that the reader will lose interest in the work. People generally do not like to read writing which is hard for them to comprehend. The easiest way to get and to keep a reader's attention is to be direct and to the point. The more confusing your writing is, the less likely it is that you will maintain your audience. No matter what type of writing you are doing, whether it be academic or not, simplicity and clairity are the keys to success.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Yeah, I'm in here venting again, sorry guys. It's just that I'm still trying to figure out how less than twenty-four hours my life has gone from okay, to what the fuck? In that amount of time I've had to accept letting someone go that I really love, realizing I might not be able to graduate early like I wanted, lose most of my shit for my homework, and get a call saying my dad is in the hospital again for what could be another stroke. (Needless to say he was in the just in the hospital for that not too long ago, and not too long before that!)

To begin from the begining so to speak, I met back up with my ex earlier this week and we started talking and hanging out. We somehow managed to get past our differences with each other and realized that we still loved each other. Well, that's nice and everything, but he's living in Florida now and was just visiting for a week. So, we basically spent most of the week hanging out and catching up. He left this morning to go back and I'll admit it hurt.

We basically sat in my car until 5:30 this morning talking, so I ended up sleeping until 1:00 this afternoon. I don't think I was up for more than an hour or two when my mom called and told me she was at the hospital with my dad because he thought he was having another stroke. So I ended up going out to the hospital until around 8:00 tonight. He's okay, but they're keeping him overnight for observation.

To make things so much better, in the hour or two I was up, I was online trying to figure out how many credits I needed to graduate. I was planning on taking a ton of courses at a community college this summer and having them transferred to R-MC. So, all I came to realize out of that is even if I took the maximum amount of credits I can take over the summer (18), took 14 hours each semester next year, and doubled up during J-Term I would still be short by about 7 credits.

Then to top off a perfect day I misplaced a couple books I needed for my homework. After a lot of searching, however, I did manage to find them. So, I guess I'll go out on a limb and say today wasn't completely terrible, but it could have been better.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Poem I wrote for a friend

Have you ever been so lost
That sometimes you can’t tell night from day?
Ever felt that no matter the cost
You want to be perfect in every way?
Yet it seems no matter how hard you try,
Nothing ever seems to turn out right
And you’re left still searching for a way
To simply make it through the day
But have you ever stopped to think
That just when you’re on the brink
Of losing everything that matters
Just when your soul begins to shatter,
That maybe you might be
Somebody’s angel?
Maybe he just doesn’t have the strength to say
That in your eyes he sees a light
A reflection in your soul, so bright
It simply makes him weak.
And perhaps the song he hears in your voice
Makes him too mesmerized to speak.
That passing glance from a stranger
Could mean more than what you think.
One day you’ll see that to somebody
Everything about you is already perfect
Until that day just make sure you stay
Exactly the way you are
Know that there are people who care
And come what may
They’ll always be there
So for now just smile-
To yourself stay true
And know that you
Are somebody’s angel.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Still working on my poetry

Oh sweet angel,
How is it you hurt me so
Without a word
You thrust these jagged shards
Straight into my heart
A mirror that is broken
So many words remain
Like honey dripping
Off the end of a beehive
In the middle of a summer rain
So beautiful
Yet filled with
So much pain.
With silent tears
I cry to you
Hoping maybe you can undo
All that makes me jaded
So I can stand again
On my own
Oh, how I’ve hated
Leaning on this
Crooked crutch
The love I have for you
So out of touch
With what really is
The possibilities
Intertwined with the fact
That I know we’ll never be.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


Hoagland’s argument against self-sacrifice can be supported by Jaggar’s theory of emotion in that both arguments hold the same basic principle; both women argue the idea that women are expected to conform to a male structured society while still maintaining a position of political and social submission. Hoagland perceives that the idea of self-sacrifice as a strictly feminine trait. Women are culturally expected to push aside their own self interests when they conflict with the interests of men whether in the home or in the workplace. Women are also socially expected to put the needs of their children before their own self interests; however, this is not expected of men. This expectation puts women in the position of being considered the submissive gender while men are placed in the dominant role. "The possibility of ethics in this case seems to rest on the willingness of women to devote themselves to men and children by acquiescing to male authority and by bearing and being responsible for children whether or not they choose to" (Hoagland, 75).
Jaggar’s theory of emotion argues that emotions are seen as being associated with "the irrational, the physical, the natural, the particular, the private, and of course, the female" (Garry and Pearsall, 168). Within this definition, it is determined that emotions are irrational and inhibit rather than aid one’s expansion of knowledge. Knowledge, according to Jaggar, is associated with logic and rationale. These traits are viewed as being male virtues. Because of this, women are placed at a social and political disadvantage.
This view of emotion allows men to maintain power within social and political situations. In order for a woman to even be mildly successful in any industry, she must conform to male standards of an acceptable mindset. This requires women to detach themselves from emotional reactions in the workplace. An example of this style of required conformity would be displacing emotions such as anger or frustration. Rather than admitting to being angry, one might accredit their mood to a physical state such as being tired. This mindset aids Hoagland’s argument to the degree that it requires women to submit to a position of submission. They are also required to put forth more effort in order to even attempt to attain the same level of acceptance that comes almost naturally to men. Through conforming to male expectations, women are putting themselves in the position to once again abandon their own self interests.
(b) Hoagland’s conception of community can be associated with Bordo’s analysis of anorexia nervosa in that the anorexic feels she does not have a disorder, but instead is attempting to blend in with the expectations put forth by her community. The anorexic feels the need to conform to the social norms of feminine beauty in order to feel as if she is a part of her community. the anorexic becomes dependent on her pursuit of thinness in order to achieve the feminine beauty ideal of the culture. Because of the change in the ideals in feminine beauty, from the robust and shapely figure of Marilyn Monroe, to the now lean and ultimately "fat free" image of such celebrities as Kate Moss, women feel a great need to be as thin as possible in order to attain social acceptability. "At the peak of her popularity, [Marilyn] Monroe was often described as "femininity incarnate", "femaleness embodied"; last term, a student of minde described her as "a cow" (Bordo, 140).
The anorectic feels oppressed by her culture because she feels that if she doesn’t achieve this ideal body image, she will not be accepted by the other members of the community. In this, she slowly loses her personal identity as a woman and is instead placed in the social subcategory of anorexic. However, because she feels as though through her apparent suppression of identity she will no longer be oppressed within her community, she allows her longing for acceptance to be more important than her own identity. She then transfigures herself into the role of the anorexic, ultimately allowing the disorder to become her identity. "Similarily, a we shall see, the practice of dieting- of saying no to hunger- contributes to the anorectic’s increasing sense of hunger as a dangerous eruption from some alien part of the self, an to a growing intoxication with controlling that eruption" (Bordo, 143). Here, the anorectic has succumb to such a degree of dependency and is a such a loss of her own identity that she feels that a physical reaction as natural as hunger, is the ultimate threat to her being.
(C) When discussing the idea of traditional virtues, Wendell hits on several key factors which are important to women with disabilities and furthermore, the women who provide care to those with disabilities. Both women with and without disabilities must consider ethical values and moral implications regarding multiple facets of their lives. For example, Wendell brings up the topic of abortion. Abortion is a deeply moral dilemma for any woman. She must search within herself in order to realize whether or not having an abortion fits in with her moral values. Along with her own personal ethics in regards to such a situation, she must also consider the cultural bias against such an act. However, there are several other factors a woman must consider if the cause for the abortion is due to a disability in the fetus. Women who chose to have abortions based on the knowledge that their child would be born with a defect can be seen as degrading the value of the lives of the disabled. Such choices imply that if a child is born with a disability, then their lives aren’t as valuable as a child who is considered to be normal and healthy. "When a woman decides that she wants to abort, rather than carry to term, a fetus with Down’s syndrome, this represents a statement about how she perceives such a child would affect her life and what she wants from rearing a child" (Wendell, 152).
The choice to make such a decision can be viewed in light of the impact that it would have on the person who must care for another who has the disability. The fact that the primary caregivers in our society are women is what makes abortion an even deeper feminist issue. Women who rear children with disabilities must provide them with adequate care. "Caregiving often requires that mothers force their children with disabilities to take unwanted medications, perform unpleasant and/ or painful therapeutic procedures on them at home, and turn them over to doctors and hospitals for frightening and painful treatments" (Wendell, 141). Many women simply can not handle the responsibilities that come with raising such a child.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Completely Random Venting...Sorry Guys!

I don't even know what to say to this one other than guys are confusing. Basically I met back up with my ex a few days ago after not seeing him for several months. We ended up sitting and talking for hours and basically came to the conclusion that despite everything that happened, we still loved each other. Well, that would be great except for the fact that while we were broken up he got this great idea to move to Florida. He was just back here visiting and getting the rest of his stuff.Needless to say we've been hanging out and talking just as much now as we were back then, and every time we do it kills me. He says because of the distance he can't see us getting back together right now, but in the same breath he'll turn around and tell me how much he loves stilll loves me. I'm just about fed up with this, but at the same time, I have this deep feeling that I'm never going to see him again and I want to spend as much time with him now as I can. I don't know. I guess everything will work itself out.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Another Poem

Why is it that each time I hear your voice
My heart is the first to remind me
That you are not mine
I've tried to deny my feelings
Tried to tell you I don't care
But anyone that knows me
Can see it when I stare
Into your eyes

I get so lost in you
That for a moment I forget myself
The heartache fades away and all I have
Is that moment in time
Where I can pretend when I hold you
I won't ever have to let go
But then morning comes

And I'm so far from those days
When I could hold you for hours
Never knowing any pain
I understand now
I made my bed
And because of the choices I made
Nothing will ever be the same...

Sunday, March 05, 2006


I looked into your eyes tonight
And saw the rays of a thousand sunsets
All in one brief moment
A collage of emotions I thought were long gone
God, I couldn't have been more wrong...

Each time I stare into your emerald eyes
I remember all the times I could have
Said "I'll love you forever"
Now all I can hope for is the day after never...

You say you still care
And I see somewhere deep inside
The passion we had is still there
But there's too much distance between us now
All I'm left with
Is wondering why I ever let you go...

What could have been so right
I let slip away in the blink of an eye
Over a few insecurities
Now all I know
Is how to not let these feelings show

What would I do if you knew
What would you do if you knew
How much I still love you?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Legal System

So I sat back last night watching COPS and I started thinking about our legal system. I'm starting to wonder what the point of sending someone to prison is. I'm sorry, but the more I thinking about it, what good does it really do somebody to sit in a jail cell? Okay, so I understand, for instance, putting away a murderer because it keeps them contained, but I'm talking about trivial shit. (Or for that matter things that people do because they are messed up psychologically.) I think community service and therapy are what people really need. I just feel that those are things that are really going to help people. I don't think sitting in a jail cell is really helping anything. It might solve the problem while they're in jail, but who's to say once they get out they won't do it again? I just think that getting people help instead of incarcerating them is the real solution.

Friday, March 03, 2006

By now, you should all be able to tell I'm a phil major =)

Should Those Who Are Enlightened Return To Darkness?
Enlightenment is a gift achieved by those who have the heart to pursue it. Once a person has achieved enlightenment, he should share this knowledge with others who have the same desire to learn. The prime example here is that of the relationship between teacher and student. The teacher was once a student himself. Like his students, he learned from his teacher. He was one of the few who had the ambition to pursue the path of total enlightenment. He also realized the importance of passing on this wisdom to those who shared his passion. However, he was also aware that not all of his students would be interested in submerging themselves in attaining knowledge and wisdom. The teacher can not force all of his students to learn. He must understand that some individuals may be better suited for lives on paths other than that of attaining knowledge. However, he can provide the pathway for those who wish to learn.
Although it may seem as if a person who is enlightened should move on to pursue more important things, there is a great important in the person returning to where he started from. If he does not return to the classroom, although this time in the opposite role, the future of those who could also turn out to be just as enlightened, if not more so, could be at stake. In order for the students to learn, they must have a teacher. Regardless of how many of the students go on to achieve the same enlightenment as the teacher, the pure fact that the teacher was there to guide those who did learn is an important factor in itself. Without the teacher, there would be no learning. Without learning, once the men who were previously enlightened grew old and died, nothing would be left but groups of uneducated, unenlightened people. One must give great consideration to this position, for without these people, social, scientific, and political advances would either halt completely, or have an extremely slow progression.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Essay...or research?

I'm still trying to figure out how this assignment is *not* a research paper. I feel like I've done, and am going to have research for this paper than anything I've done my whole time in college. It just seems like in order to argue all the points to something, it takes quite a bit of research. So far I've spoken to people and gotten information online, and I only have three points of view on an argument that probably has at least ten sides if not more. It's just incredible to me how this isn't a research paper. What's more is that it seems like I have to cram everything together as fast as possible. Having to turn in a rough draft today almost killed me because I felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was even talking about yet. My thesis is weak, and I don't feel like my arguments are really all that structured. All in all I d whon't know how this thing is going to end up and I don't know exactly where I'm going with it. I know that it's supposedly okay at this point, but it's just very unsettling knowing I have no clue where I'm going with a paper that will end up being a pretty fair part of my grade.